Given that we had no offspring together and documented who put in the money into the house that we purchased together we got finally got divorced in end of 2019, there came more slander on social media to try to alienate me from other mutual friends he hadnt had the chance to force to take sides and his best friend had also threaten to beat me up. Want to read about the five stages of leaving a narcissist? Since narcissists live for being admired and their pride is of great importance, doing . The narcissist can use psychological techniques to make you doubt your own rationality. Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side. Google drive is free YouTube is free etc This is so complex. BUT you can get them back. Set your boundaries. I did and after three months she calls me asking why Im not seeing my children. However, this behavior is only a front. 1. Better than lying beaten down and keeping a silent victim. Without having to leave them for another person, youre telling them youre strong enough to stand on your own. You can say something like, "I feel terrible for". It may also be the least satisfying because we dont get to witness any effect it might have. Thanks for the nice blog. Fighting back (wisely) will elevate your self-respect. Walking away is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist because its the best thing you can do for yourself. Early in the relationship, little did you know that you simply not doing what they wanted you to do whenever they wanted you to do it meant that you were likely already injuring them and didnt even know it. Long story short. These are easily the most dangerous types of narcissists. Im not even involved romantically and Im very unhappy. Therapy can help heal in ways that reading blogs, listening to videos, and talking with other WARRIORS (we are not survivors, we are warriors) can ever do. Giving in to them might cause us to create situations that would make things worse for ourselves and play right into the hands of the narcissist. Yes, Im saying that basically the only way to get revenge is to leave. My narc has succeeded in turning my 20 yo daughter against me; we are estranged and she wants nothing to do with me. The silent treatments or disappearances for days on end? Of course they also lack empathy for others and lash out when anyone challenges them, but overall theyre capable of normal and having forming personal relationships, albeit rather shallow ones. The real idea with this not just that youre leaving them for someone else, but that youre making sure they know, right? But not after you have expressed your anger to them in very explited terms. My suggestion for you is to reach out. Do it wisely. They not only leave us with so little but leave so few people around them not even knowing or understanding what happened. I have no contact with any as it hurts to have seen what my daughter has done to her children. Narcissistic people can do wonders on someones mind and psychology. Turning their backs on you when you need them the most? Make calm, peaceful statements and then the crazy-making behavior and gaslighting on their side will stop. When that doesnt happen, they have two options for recourse: bringing you down or turning on their charm in hopes of driving you back into the relationship. I just entered my 30s and man I look back and say my 20s I was still was just a kid. To seek revenge on the narcissist is to BE like the narcissist. More often than not, its a way to extract narcissistic supply. He also gets drunk every night then gets crazy on me in front of my kids saying horrible things to me and even goes as low as accusing me of cheating on him with his own brother!! If you look up the definition of a "sore loser" in a dictionary, it'll say "narcissist.". After our engagement, the silent treatment started. My husband left me after 30 years married 8 years. Or move away and begin speaking to someone else as if nothing was said at all. 4. four main types of narcissistic personality disorder, 14 Easy Ways to Communicate With a Man Who Wont Communicate. One way I took revenge is by knowing all Narcissists are paranoia. Can someone please tell me how to get my narcissistic husband to want to leave on his own? Defiance. Its hard to believe that they can just walk away from the destruction as if nothing happened and keep doing it again and again with new partners. People without NPD or other similar mental health conditions usually think of a relationship as a selfless equation. OMG, he lies all the time! After a year or two recovering I decided to send my ex-narc/psychopath and her new lover an anonymous postcard on newyears-day. This is what those numbers exist for, so please use them. So without further ado, let's take a look at 10 things that can drive a narcissist insane. But all I could think about are the droves of other women he likely disrespected. Youre probably not even a vengeful person! The tactics mentioned above feel tempting after youve experienced months or even years of psychological abuse. Theyll play the victim and make you out to be a villain in this toxic relationship. The 20s is an age where we are STILL KIDS. Basically, this is designed to be a sort of presentation to the world - a well-designed impetus to acquire much-needed attention and admiration. Are You Interested in The Following Topics? How To Hurt a Narcissist: Do This Without Becoming Like Them, Staying In Narcissistic Relationships Because Of The Children, When A Covert Narcissist Finds Someone New. Its almost certainly irreparably broken, as theres not much to salvage after a breakdown in communication. Their personality disorder doesnt stem from deep-seated neuroses or a grandiose sense of self, they simply thrive on creating chaos. It's almost certainly irreparably broken, as there's not much to salvage after a breakdown in communication. Its actually not all that difficult. Remember they stole from you big time. Dont let them monopolize your life. 8) Look your best. However, if youre intent on pushing a narcissist away, these are some of the best ways to go about it. Then leave it to them to draw their own conclusions. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. You will confirm that the narcissist was right about you all along, that you were no good and would eventually just run off with someone else. In most cases, shaming a narcissist causes the situation to get turned around on you. Im one of those youve exploited and cheated on, and your fear will take you out of nowhere.. Just on that silly quiet street you walk on every evening. Then remain silent when the go in a rage. And you should report anything illegal especially domestic violence. The Ultimate Narcissist Dictionary for Defining Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse, gained our trust first before doing these things, walking away shows them we no longer care, Taking Your Life Back After a Relationship With a Narcissist Free Recovery Toolkit, Comprehensive Narcissistic Abuse Dictionary, The Best Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, Dating After Narcissistic Abuse: The One-Year Detox, Books on Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: A Warning, 7 Things That Supercharge Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, The Worst Thing You Can Do to a Narcissist, Songs About Narcissism: Your Abuse Recovery Playlist, Ten Things That May Happen in a New Relationship After Narcissistic Abuse, How to Outsmart a Narcissist and Break Their Spell, How Narcissists Ruin Holidays: It's Not Your Imagination, 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Won't Give You Closure, Why Cognitive Dissonance is Trauma to Narcissistic Abuse Survivors, How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished With You, How to Deal with a Narcissist When You Can't Go No Contact. And by the way, it didnt work. That means the world to me. 10 Things Narcissistic Men Fear the Most. Available in ebook, paperback, and hardback! They crave praise, admiration, and a feeling of control over their life. First off, did you actually do something wrong? Till I saw I had endorsed a narcissist/sociopath in the nursing-business. He wanted to get money off of me as my parents gave me money before I met him. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist that will drive them insane is something very very simple. I chose to be the victor. I got revenge on my ex, he had fraudulently changed his title of his name to Dr Claiming that he has a honorary PhD from a University, which was indeed a lie and he has no evidence to prove it. Narcissists are known for being able to dish it out, but not being able to take it. Thank you for your comment! I wish you continued strength on your recovery journey. I like how you put this. They will never change. When they dont, theyre abusive, conniving, and cold. Exposure to the true identity hurt them because they portray a false self around others. In fact, your best life may include dating many people down the road, not just settling for one as soon as possible. You may want to look up some articles on this to see how other people have gone about doing it. 2. Need Peer Support? Therefore, if you want to take revenge, do this. Keep cool. Narcissists interpret silence as a form of disrespect; the silent partner gains power by not needing to express their displeasure out loud. Sign up to Online Therapy and get a 20% discount on your first-month session, as well as articles and updates on the benefits of therapy. It's like not letting a junkie have his drug. Unfortunately for you, the narcissists only option for regaining their sense of self-worth is to attack the party that has injured it. I dont recommend them. The worst thing to do to a narcissist is to not let them have any power over your emotions. One of the worst things narcissists do is manipulate people into doing what they want. And it is so subtle that they will have a hard time getting back at you or possing as the victim. Thanks. It's something only someone who has engaged a narcissist really understands, but they will almost laugh at themselves in quick, manic, awkward giggles. Start by telling them how you feel. The message was; Im in your nightmares and your fears every day. You used the pain they gave you as fuel to create your greatest victories. They believe that everything belongs to them, everyone thinks and feels the same as they do, and . . Only it was with the other woman. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. And it was 25 years later I found out about narcissism by accident looking up why my kids acting strange. This almost never happens for narcissists, so any happiness you might get out of humiliating them will be offset by the retaliation that follows. Not only did he lie to the everyone about the relationship and to the courts as he wanted to win. Out Compete Them. I say he isnt very smart doing that. We used to be INCREDIBLY close (all this happened as she turned 18). 4. You might be wondering what words you should use to hurt or humiliate a Narcissist. Im married to one and currently trying to get away but scared of him. I reported his best friend to the police that I had threats that I was endangered, silly friend decided to send me WhatsApp messages to threaten me. Cognitive Dissonance. They know exactly what they have been doing wrong and try by all means to keep this a secret to anyone else. It seems to keep many people from moving on. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and expert on extreme self-involvement, shares . 1. Laughter truly is the best medicine and I believe it can help many people get through their trails with their narc. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to try and even the scores. Steps towards escaping a relationship with a covert narcissist. If youre asking for understanding and compassion from a narcissist, youre barking up the wrong tree. Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. But part of what keeps us from moving forward is a need to know what the narcissist is doing and whether good things or bad things are happening in his or her life. Because he cheats on me all the time, and uses me to get things. The Narcissists Love Destruction: How To Hurt a Narcissist. Couples don't always carry the same #financial weight in a relationship. There are so many others who have been where you are and have made it through a relationship like yours. So when they discard us or give us thesilent treatment, know that they are STILL thinking about us and that they are gleaming at the idea that we are hurt. It shows the narcissists that despite EVERYTHING (and listen to this)EVERYTHING they have done, what they did, and what they will try to do that, it doesnt even phase us, because they are soUNIMPORTANT. Works 3000 kilometres away and did it by phone. When dealing with a narcissist, there are certain phrases that are more than likely going to be a trigger for a tantrum. Due to this armor, you are unlikely to comprehend the full extent of a narcissist's inhumanity and lack of empathy until . What Happens When you Figured Our the Narcissist? The best revenge for them, is to pre-emptively breakup with Them. They gain narcissistic supply from you, even if its negative. Just to get away from it all is the answer. The problem is that even when youre doing everything right by the narcissist, it isnt always enough. It wasnt always like this, he kind of changed about eight months after we started dating and a bit of that change can be blamed on me (I kinda withdrew from the relationship emotionally for a while). Ive exposed what I can to her and she is onto him anyways. It doesnt work. Narcissistic people are like parasites. Narcissists have a very one-dimensional view of the world, and its one where they can do no wrong and the world is out to get them. Especially if it gets physical. And many people may be hurt. However, in general, the worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to ignore them. Its an unfortunate effect of having very low self-esteem and no ability to regulate it. It boosts narcissists ego, knowing they can hurt someone, even after they have discarded the narcissistic supply. But never give up being a mother. My caption was saying that he needed to stop hurting people, and his lives need to meet and I hoped that by doing this he would change and come clean and stop lying to everyone and his wife and start over. Once I crossed that threshold, I saw him and the other woman as cartoon characters in mind and their antics not only lost their ability to hurt or trigger methey actually became funny in a Saturday Night Live kind of way. Personally, I think we are getting revenge by being online exposing ourselves and sharing our true story. Not traceable by any means. We are now building our relationship. When you stop giving them attention, that serves as a massive blow to them, and they start to feel pain. All narcissists need attention and praise, but how they manifest this need can differ widely. Note that Im examining these as thought exercises. RT @Stormy247Stormy: Have you ever had a true NARCISSIST for a partner? The method was called Throwing him under the bus but with love. Even the name is so genius that its hard to resist. It would be easy to accuse them of being too sensitive if they made too big of a deal out of it. This will only prolong your depression and victimhood. Even if you did, the things they do are so blatant and heinous, as noted above with direct criticism, they can use what you do to make themselves into a victim to gain sympathy and support and to justify their poor treatment of you. He makes me look like Im crazy, stupid, and horrible. But yes, it will truly affect a Narc if it wasnt tooo long ago the breakup occurred. State your truth and disgust to them when you are ready and strong enough. Stay strong! But first lets discuss the weaknesses of the Narcissist. Because narcissists are eternal victims, they will view you as the attacker if you do many of these things, instead of viewing them as reactions to something they did. Website - https://www.narcsurvivor.co.ukCoaching - coaching@narcsurvivor.co.ukMerchandise - https://teespring.com/stores/narcsurvivorDonations - https://payp. Of course lol. It wasnt all. It is so effective because the silent treatment is only obvious to you and the narcissist. I absolutely love this articlethank you! Send Abuse Right Back to Them. Those of us who are upset and those who spiteful about what the narcissist did to us that this is theLASTthing you want to hear. Others might have a different idea, but Ill explain my version of how I feel I sort of did this. Basically you are saying there is absolutely NOTHING you can do but get over it. Just a thought. It's not even the loss of their job, their position of power (though it does sting to lose that, too). In any case, the only way to win against a narcissist is to never play their game. Please reach out to someone who can help you get through those periods that are so intense you feel like doing something like taking your life. Watch this short video from Stephanie Lyn that I hope will help to motivate you: All of the other options either lead to additional suffering for us or they provide more ammunition for the narcissist to use against us. This is ironic since they use people solely to prop up their own egos and as such treat people as if they are completely and utterly replaceable. For many of us, pain blinds us to this obvious truth. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Your ghosts follow you everywhere. Comfront them publicly they dont like that. When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you dont know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in. This is how they regain their position of power. You dont have to swing from vine to vine just to avoid being alone. Never attempt to get revenge on these types of narcissists; it will blow up in your face, sometimes violently. Aging narcissists often employ various tactics to ward off the effects of age, but as reality catches up to them, they become increasingly desperate. The strongest thing that can hit a nail on a narcissist's head is ignoring. When you have hurt them, let them tap into your bank of empathy by being completely honest with them. On her next birthday give her the dairy letting her know how much you want to connect with her and how she shunned you. When that isnt the case, which many times it isnt of course being seen with someone else who can be seen as good looking as them (which theyll see as hotter lol). You dont need to be blatant about it either, narcissists are always making comparisons, so theyre sure to find out when youre doing better than them in some way. You just cant take it anymore and are tired of feeling powerless. Narcissists hurt us so that we always have something to remember them by. They love seeing the destruction. Narcissists hate feeling invisible and worthless. They might say they feel sorry or ashamed for their actions, but only because theyve learned that contrition is an effective method for getting what they want. So I made an anonymous tip off to his school where he teachers that his is fraudulent and dishonest. I have been estranged with my mother as well for the past 8 years but reached out to her after realizing she wasnt a narcissist. Thats seldom the case with narcissists, who suck up vulnerability like a sponge and then use it to inform their abusive behaviors. Want to know more? There you go. This is spot on my hubby does these things that make u pit of ur stomach. Going silent could very likely send them into a narcissistic rage screaming, insults, and possibly physical aggression. Enjoy! Its saying no and ignoring them rolled into one with a permanent twist. (Make sure you take pictures of the articles just in case she throws it away). So she left one day and went to her mothers and over the weekend filled for divorce. Through examining these methods of revenge, the following statements seem clear: 1. Both are narcissists, although Sean is the sweet, slithery, helples. Just KEEP COOL and CALM. They stole the most beautifull gift you had to offer. Even if you had a long day or are sick, a narcissist may start a fight while you are trying to sleep. Oftentimes, you wont even know that youve made them feel inferior, your first clue will be them putting you down. Last Updated on August 15, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. I kept the moral high ground and left him to his own devices. Its doubtful they would even recognize that you were treating them how you were treated to show them how it feels because they dont have the insight to recognize that their behavior is a problem. Absolutely! Disclaimer: This blog contains affiliate links (which I will remind you of once again when you get there). And if she says NO or she doesnt want to talk to you. For double the fun, perhaps do it in front of one of their friends. Im not saying that everyone will get to where they can laugh, but I did. Reading Suggestion: How Dating a Narcissist Changes You. But, I have a question for you which may raise another article/issue altogether. The narcissist tries to ignore it, talk it out of existence, or belittle its importance. There may be a material loss as well. But it is something that far too many victims often overlook. Dont forget to check out these resources: Kristen Milstead is a narcissistic abuse survivor who has become a strong advocate for finding your unique voice and using it to help others find theirs. Its not just that they lie. "Make sure you have a core group of people in your life that can support you . The limitations and deficits that impact every activity I do is overwhelming. And can you leave a link to your blog? Making future plans with you and then carrying them out with someone else? For example: He has convinced me to quit multiple jobs because its to stressful , they treat you so bad,let me support the family for while. Then turns it around that Im crazy and stupid for quitting and how selfish I was. Its about not being under his control, and able to talk about what really happened. I had been with him in total for 8 years before we got divorced which started off in Jan 2018. And they get away with it while its a silent crime. In order for something to be viewed as revenge, someone has to understand that they did something to warrant revenge in the first place. And he tells lies that can be easily identifed as lies, which makes me think whats the point of lying in the first place? I believe it was the lords blessing me after what I went through. The Narcissist LOVES the idea that they can mold other people's reality and perception of us. Answer (1 of 233): What words can destroy a narcissist? Thanks again for your comment and your insight. How about telling them you dont need someone else as a crutch to stand on or to replace them in order to live apart from them? Laugh at them they dont expect it and they cant handle it. Again, a little tit for tat to see how they like it. These individuals are hypersensitive to criticism and will lash out at you, even if youre trying to help them. Because it's a cool thing to do for someone you love and bananas can be had when they aren't around. Why Cant I Just Leave? Narcissists have but one goal get more narcissistic supply. For the sake of argument, lets say you want to get a little payback after enduring frequent episodes of narcissistic abuse. Youll have a sense of control for once. But once youre Convinced they are a Narc it can be easier to do. Taking revenge on a narcissist is pointless. To me, the worst part of dealing with narcissists is the part that you . They stole your love and trust. Any advice? 1. Can you really ever make them feel the same pain theyve made you feel? Right now I am having fun not feeding his bs. Going no contact after you walk away from a fight is the best way to leave the narcissist and their abusive behavior in the past. Article to get over a narcissistic abuse and moved on with my kids all I seek is happy life and not revenge I really felt at ease reading this article it worth millions of dollarsThank you for the wisdom. Something about the thought of getting even makes you feel as if you are one step closer to getting closure. It doesnt mean we wont ever be reminded as if it never happened. For me, it feels good to have the muzzle off. Therefore, if you want to take revenge, do this. They can become abusive and deeply hurt the people in their lives. Narcs are like parasites. Its dangerous to purposely cause them humiliation. But you know the truth. Your email address will not be published. I know how frustrating it can be to have someone youNEVEReven said hello to say to you with disgust, Ive heard all about you.. You, just living your life, say to them, No, I want to see my friends tonight. The guild you bare from where there is no escape. 6. Write in detail about your feelings. I hate myself for loving him so much! Calculated to perfection to keep out of legal justice.